So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
