You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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