i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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