and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i now understand why vodka
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