A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The power of my boobs compel you
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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