do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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