Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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