it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
