I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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