He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
