i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
