Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
