You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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