i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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