do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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