There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
