Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
