Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you didnt know i had herpes?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
