Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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