I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
