So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I am naked and annoyed.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
