I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
