remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
