we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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