I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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