remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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