If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my shit smells like andre
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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