And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
