Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize