he was CRYING into my vagina
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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