just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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