the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
