its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
