I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
