She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Im part way to drunk.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize