I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
