I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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