I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
