Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
