I'm eating all of the evidence.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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