My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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