God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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