So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
