i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
