marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
