I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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