the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
