remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
