ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
