We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
