garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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