Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
