11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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