im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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