Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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