he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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