Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
