I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Found your dick twin last night
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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